SNAKE!

That vile Grow Snake nearly claimed a couple more victims during last night game. Sky Sox outfielder Brett Phillips & Fresno catcher Max Stassi were lucky to escape death when the rain delay Grow Snake surprised both minutes before a massive storm blew over Security Service Field at Mile High.

Just a reminder, when it rains at Security Service Field at Mile High keep an eye out for snakes.

 

That’s Never A Good Sign

Fresno starter, Mike Hauschild, watches the entire Grizzlies’ pitching staff walk to the bullpen during the 1st inning of last night’s game against the Sky Sox.

The reason the staff was going to the bullpen was that Hauschild did this in the inning:

Col. Springs Bottom of the 1st
  • Lewis Brinson singles on a ground ball to second baseman Tony Kemp.
  • Kirk Nieuwenhuis walks. Lewis Brinson to 2nd.
  • With Ryan Cordell batting, wild pitch by Mike Hauschild, Lewis Brinson to 3rd.
  • Ryan Cordell walks. Kirk Nieuwenhuis to 2nd.
  • Garrett Cooper singles on a line drive to left fielder Jon Kemmer. Lewis Brinson scores. Kirk Nieuwenhuis out at home, left fielder Jon Kemmer to third baseman Tyler White. Ryan Cordell to 2nd.
  • With Brett Phillips batting, wild pitch by Mike Hauschild, Ryan Cordell to 3rd.
  • Brett Phillips walks. Garrett Cooper to 2nd.
  • Ivan De Jesus Jr. singles on a line drive to center fielder Andrew Aplin. Ryan Cordell scores. Garrett Cooper scores. Brett Phillips to 3rd.
  • Yadiel Rivera singles on a ground ball to shortstop Jack Mayfield. Brett Phillips scores. Ivan De Jesus Jr. to 2nd.
  • Nate Orf flies out to right fielder Derek Fisher. Ivan De Jesus Jr. to 3rd.
  • Tyler Heineman flies out to center fielder Andrew Aplin.

Hauschild went 3 innings, gave up 9 runs on 8 hits and 6 walks. It’s safe to say he’s probably not a fan of Security Service Field at Mile High.

Sox won the rain delayed affair 19-7.

Watching Baseball And Stuff

Tonight’s Sky Sox starter, Paolo Espino, watches stuff go down at Security Service Field at Mile High.

You too, can watch stuff go down at Security Service Field at Mile High by heading out to any of the 8 games over the next 9 days (no baseball on Wednesday).

And now, a picture of a sausage man, spokes-jack.

The Lizard People Are Among Us

All hail our Reptilian overlords!

 

One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them. The reptiles will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome the Annunaki to our humble stadium. I’d like to remind them that as a trusted sports photographer, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground lizard caves.

This Is His Land. And You Know It’s Rich With Gold. GOLD!

Colorado Springs ace, Yukon Cornelius Brandon Woodruff, goes tonight for the Sky Sox against Oklahoma City in OKC. 

Woodruff is 4-0 with a 1.61 ERA on the season, with 3 of those wins coming at Security Service Field at Mile High (a place not fit for man or beast. The ballyard is nothing but the Island of Misfit Toys with Bumbles running wild in the outfield).

Good luck to Brandon, Rudolph & Hermey against the OKC Dodgers tonight!

KEN-NEE G! KEN-NEE G!

Color me shocked, but smooth jazz recording legend, Kenny G, seems to have changed careers and is now a relief pitcher for the Nashville Sounds.

Mr. G, or Kenny, as he allows me to call him, has pitched in the first 2 games of the 4 game series, tossing 2 innings, giving up 1 hit & 1 run.

Tonight has been declared KENNY G NIGHT! All game long, Kenny will entertain the crowd, from the bullpen, with some of his monster jazz hits like, Love Theme From Romeo & Juliet, the theme From Dying Young, and My Heart Will Go On (Love Theme From Titanic)!

So, come on out to Security Service Field at Mile High, watch the Sky Sox take on the Sounds, and chill to the musical magic of Kenny G.

KENNY!

 

 

Stop That! Just Stop That Right Now!

Would you look at Memphis 3rd baseman Patrick Wisdom? Would you just look at him! He’s freaking out the Brewers’ #1 prospect, Lewis Brinson, and Sky Sox 3rd base coach, Ned Yost, with all that touchy/grabby stuff he’s pulling over there.

 

Seeing the error of his ways, Wisdom attempts to “wash” his “sinning” hand clean with some dirt.

 

OH MY GAWD! HE’S AT IT AGAIN!

Betcha he’ll be wearing a pair of glasses during today’s game. Won’t someone please think of the children.

Because This Is How You Get Ants

On April 10th, the Sky Sox called up the world’s most dangerous secret agent/relief pitcher, and star of the hit FXX show, ARCHER, Sterling Tristan Archer.

 

Since being called up from Biloxi, Archer has been in 2 games, pitched 3 innings, allowing zip-all with 3 k’s.

According to his Wikipedia page, Tristan’s obsessions include Burt Reynolds, Kenny Loggins, and big cats such as tigers and ocelots. His biggest fears are: cyborgs, alligators, crocodiles, and brain aneurysms.

The more you know!

Sox the Fox is Dead

Crazed with rabies, drunk as a lemur, Sox the Fox had to be put down, Old Yeller style, last Sunday.

In lieu of flowers eat a hot dog or something.

May the 4th Be With You

Hey. How’s it going? Hope things is good. So, anyhoo, today is May 4th and you know what that means? Yeah, it’s that one day that’s more annoying than Pi Day, May the 4th Be With You day.

So, to ‘celebrate’, here are some of the characters from the Star Warses that have haunted Security Service Field at Mile High over the years:

 

Star Wars Night at Security Service Field

Hey! Look! It’s good old Chewbacco! Man he has really let himself go.

Rrraw! Rrraw! Chewo!

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Them Sand-Jawas think they’re people!

They’re trying to play baseball with their whacking sticks!

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Oh no! Bobo Fred grabbed a big, red ball. Betcha he’s up to no good.

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Aren’t you a little fat to be a Stormtroop.

Damn that Princess Lisa was a real bitch when she said this to Luka.

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One of the Care Bears caught a Stormtroop

and is presenting him to Mr. Star Warses, George Lucan

(or Kenny Rogers. I can’t really tell who the guy is suppose to be).

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Uh-oh! That husky Stormtoop and the James Bond Stormtroop have the drop on Sox!

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Look! Bobo Fred is still up to no good!

He is going to punch Sox in the gomers.

Boo! Doesn’t he know that Sox is a boy fox?!

Star Wars Night at Security Service Field

Boooooo! Booooooo! to you Bart Vegas! Boooooo! You awful, awful man! Boooo!

(And shame on you Stormtroop for hanging out with such an awful man.

You two probably smoke cigarettes & inject the marijuana together. Booooo! Druggies!)

Star Wars Night at Security Service Field

Don’t give me that, “What? What?!” garbage.  You are a naughty man Bart Vegas.

And we haven’t forget to include a character from the new Is The Force Awake movie that’s all the rage with the kids today, here’s Jar Jar Rich! Some dude sent by the ghosts of Yoyo and Opie-Juan with a message to all the new Star Warsers that they should be careful of the rough housing and to remember to wear a coat in space, because it can get cold up there:

jarjarrich

Jar Jar Rich! The grooviest cat in all the universe!

He can game cast the Phil Kessel Run is less that 12 parsecs! USA!

Have fun today and May the 4th be with you! (and also with you).

From Hell’s Heart I Stab At Thee

What did you do yesterday? Work? Something fun? Fuel your nightmares for years to come? I did the latter.

For the past couple of years these rodents have haunted me at Security Service Field at Mile High…

Ciggy Butts, Fat Rat 1, Fat Rat 2 & Fat Rat 3.

…Just the three on the right (Ciggy Butts on the left was a anti-smoking mascot that the kids all loved to get their photo taken with. So I guess that would be a fail when you’re trying to get kids to avoid smoking and stuff. Maybe if they made him stink like an ashtray the kids would have kept their distance and taunted him like a proper mascot).

These “Hamstars” are part of a Kia ad campaign where hip hop rats tear-ass around town in their brand new Kia. You know, stuff that dreams are made of and makes you want to race out of your home and buy a new car.

I am the happiest man in the world.
As you can see, I am the happiest man in the world.

So Monday I get the call to come out and shoot the “new and improved” Hamstars for this season’s Sky Sox hamster/rat promotions. I get there, and oh my God! They have lost weight. They have lost a whole lot of weight and gotten a whole bunch more creepy. BEHOLD! YOUR 2014 HAMSTARS!

Dave Solon Kia HamStars
Just like James Bond, but with rats heads.
Dave Solon Kia HamStars
Green screen. HamStars. Get busy interwebs!
Dave Solon Kia HamStars
The pompadour is a nice touch.
Dave Solon Kia HamStars
The Kia people were awesome! The ladies in the HamStar heads were great!
The heads themself? Um…

So, when you come out to see the Sky Sox this year be warned. These things exist and you will probably see them at some point. Maybe on Eat Your Own Young Night or Richard Gere Night. See you there! Bring the kids!