The Lizard People Are Among Us

All hail our Reptilian overlords!

 

One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them. The reptiles will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome the Annunaki to our humble stadium. I’d like to remind them that as a trusted sports photographer, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground lizard caves.

Hey, It’s The Bird! And He’s Doing Stuff.

Air Force mascot, The Bird, guilted me into taking his picture on Friday.

Here he is doing this leaning against the board thing…

 

Here he is pretending to watch the game, or cry, or something…

 

And here he is doing something else, airing out his pit I guess.

I did what you asked Bird. Now would you please release my children, unharmed, liked you promised. Thank you.

The Pig-Man! I Saw A Pig-Man!

“I’m tellin ya the pigman is alive. The government’s been experimenting with pigmen since the fifties.”

 

“Pigman, baby. Pigman.”

 

“Let me understand this. So if you find the pigman, your intention is to …emancipate him?”

 

He may be a pigman, but pigman is respectful of our nation’s anthem.

 

“Pig man! It’s a pig man! Pig man! He looked up at me and made this horrible sound, eeeeaaaahhh, eeeeaaaahhh.”

 

The pigman is off to take a dump. Godspeed pigman!

“Believe me…somewhere in this arena the anguished oink of pigman cries for help.”

Oh, Air Force came back in this game, down 3-0, scoring 3 times in the last 4 minutes to earn a tie against AIC.

 

Shout out for the quoted material goes to Seinfeld season 5,  episode 5, “The Bris”

I Hate This Thing

I really hate this thing. It bothers me. Just look at them smug, evil eyes, those Uncle Leo eyebrows, and that smirk! Oh, damn that smirk! Die! You bastard! Die!

Sox2 Dodgers 8

(This is probably not be the reaction you want your Spokes-Jack to evoke in people).

Mr. Sky Sox

In the history of baseball mascots the ones with baseballs for heads are pretty creepy (plus the Red Sox one that didn’t have a baseball for a head but had something else somewhere else that I just had to include in this post because it’s hella creepy, see below):

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The Cincinnati Reds had Mr. Redlegs…

…the New York Mets were represented by Mr. Met…

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…and the Red Sox had the infamous Massive BonerMan.

Now the Colorado Springs Sky Sox are joining in with their own baseball-headed freak of nature, behold, Mr. Sky Sox!

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Here is Mr. Sky Sox, playing right field over Manny Corpus’ left shoulder.
What other mascot plays the game?

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A closeup of the elusive Mr. Sky Sox on May 17, 2014.

I have the feeling, as cool as Mr. Sky Sox is, he will never replace Sox the Fox…

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Sox! He’s waaay better than Mr. Sky Sox.

…or Socko:

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SOCKO! Who looks to be a close relative of Massive BonerMan
with a kind of Frankenstein-thing going on down there.
Way, way off-putting once you see it.

Best Mascot? Elway Says No!

Sox fall 6-3 to the Express on a cold, windy day
Your Best of the Springs Best Sports Mascot!

Sox the Fox is this year’s Best Colorado Sports Mascot according to the Gazette’s Best of the Springs survey. Congrats Sox! It’s a well deserved honor, but I know one person who’d disagree with the choice:

Sox fall 16-12 to the Express.
It’s Broncos’ legend and infamous Sox the Fox hater John Elway!

Sox fall 16-12 to the Express.
John looks like he wants to be anywhere but in front of our lovable, giant rat.

Sox paid a visit to Mr. Elway during opening weekend and John looked less than pleased. Then, trying to impress a legend, Sox the Fox did his classic bit where he racks himself on the gate by the visitor’s dugout, and oh how Elway and friends got a sadistic chuckle out of that:

Sox fall 16-12 to the Express.
Hey! John! Look at me! I’m doing stuff!

Sox fall 16-12 to the Express.
Oh geez! Sox jobbered himself!

Sox fall 16-12 to the Express.
Elway laughs while his bud in the plum shirt is loving the sh*t out of Sox getting hurt.

Sox fall 16-12 to the Express.
As Sox crawls onto the dugout to die everyone enjoys a good laugh at his misfortune
(the sick bastards).

So there you have it. Sox the Fox rules! Except in the eyes of John Elway. Fine. Be that way. But the next time you come down we’re just going to get this gang to come extra-annoy you:

Sox crushed by Aces 14-1
MASCOT MOSH PIT!

From Hell’s Heart I Stab At Thee

What did you do yesterday? Work? Something fun? Fuel your nightmares for years to come? I did the latter.

For the past couple of years these rodents have haunted me at Security Service Field at Mile High…

Ciggy Butts, Fat Rat 1, Fat Rat 2 & Fat Rat 3.

…Just the three on the right (Ciggy Butts on the left was a anti-smoking mascot that the kids all loved to get their photo taken with. So I guess that would be a fail when you’re trying to get kids to avoid smoking and stuff. Maybe if they made him stink like an ashtray the kids would have kept their distance and taunted him like a proper mascot).

These “Hamstars” are part of a Kia ad campaign where hip hop rats tear-ass around town in their brand new Kia. You know, stuff that dreams are made of and makes you want to race out of your home and buy a new car.

I am the happiest man in the world.
As you can see, I am the happiest man in the world.

So Monday I get the call to come out and shoot the “new and improved” Hamstars for this season’s Sky Sox hamster/rat promotions. I get there, and oh my God! They have lost weight. They have lost a whole lot of weight and gotten a whole bunch more creepy. BEHOLD! YOUR 2014 HAMSTARS!

Dave Solon Kia HamStars
Just like James Bond, but with rats heads.

Dave Solon Kia HamStars
Green screen. HamStars. Get busy interwebs!

Dave Solon Kia HamStars
The pompadour is a nice touch.

Dave Solon Kia HamStars
The Kia people were awesome! The ladies in the HamStar heads were great!
The heads themself? Um…

So, when you come out to see the Sky Sox this year be warned. These things exist and you will probably see them at some point. Maybe on Eat Your Own Young Night or Richard Gere Night. See you there! Bring the kids!